I was right..as usual..when I get a "FEELING", it is always right.
It turned out the man I loved made choices that hurt me deeply.
It was very difficult as I was needing his love more than ever to ground me, but when I got home, what I found was not love-it was me again going into a more serious place...PTSD.
While in Georgia, I attended a writer's conference where they spoke of twitter and how it was important to build followers so your publisher could see your following. I already had an account but I had no idea how the power of twitter worked.
So there I sat hurting, crying and wanting to run away because that is what PTSD does to me and God spoke to me saying TWITTER!
My first tweet was a song HIT THE ROAD JACK-that is what I wanted. I wanted the man who had loved me for 15 years to get away from me so I would not hurt again.
I tweeted for a few days with only hurt in my heart and, almost like a miracle, it moved through the pain back to the LOVE that I believe in and that I spread everywhere I go. It is who I AM.
I tweeted and tweeted and tweeted about LOVE.
One day I had a follower and when I would see him smiling at me, my heart began to open even more than I had ever experienced. Each time he sent me love, I felt more love within me. Our DMs became like my lifeblood. I so looked forward to reading him and leaving my words of love.
I was also very aware that I was in reality and this was not love. I knew that I had to be careful but at the same tme this childlike love came over me that thrilled me like nothing in life ever has. It was pure..it was natural ..it was warm and it was LOVE.
The love from this man was more than I could have imagined. His words to me still play in my head. The excitement and the joy I felt with him is now in me. Nobody can take that away.
I made a mistake by allowing my heart to be revealed to someone who did not respect my heart nor my love. I had a "feeling" as soon as I hung up the phone. I told my twitter friend what I felt..and now it came true. He heard me tell him exactly what I was feeling after I exposed my heart to her. I knew she wanted what I had found. I was right as usual.
I find myself now wondering why it was there in my life to inspire me and to make me whole again.
The only difference...I did not go searching for LOVE. LOVE found me. LOVE blessed me and helped heal my heart.
I can say this for a fact, I found LOVE at my door on TWITTER and I could have never asked for more!
To my friend who gave me LOVE and adored me, I thank you from the bottom of my heart!
You have touched me more deeply than anything in my LIFE. Your love to me helped me move through my hurt and my pain to find words of LOVE coming out of my fingers and no longer do I fear sitting down to write. I embrace those writing times now and no matter what you are doing or no matter who tries to stop my love, it will always be with you.
I know you know what my LOVEWAVES feels like. I certainly know what yours feels like.
My relationship with the man who I have loved for 15 years has deepened as he read every tweet I sent this man. He knows I fell in LOVE with the words that touched my soul! He was happy that I was happy again. He waited and watched to see what happened. Our love has shifted and grown through this experience.
I am not sure what the future holds but I do know this, I was blessed to have a man on TWITTER love me from afar. He will live in my heart till the end of time.
You are a true inspiration- Thank you for sharing thisReplyDelete
wow... very heart-felt. this did something to me that i'm not sure i quite comprehend yet. thank you. i look forward to reading more of your posts...ReplyDelete