Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Writing memories

At this very moment I should be writing words that are very important for my memoirs...but I find myself doing everything but.

These memories are not repressed like most of them were but they are in my head much more than I like...so it seems to me that if I put them on paper, they can move through me and help me heal my heart even more.

As a very young girl fascinated with words, I knew my mission was to write a book to help one little girl know she could make it. I never realized it was the little girl in me who needed the book and now as I write it, I can feel even more strength than I have known. I know I must write to help those who have not lived through the amazing lifetime of healing that I made my journey.

I am blessed beyond belief and even with a really messed up early start, I never lost my joy. I feel honored that God chose me for this life. Although there were many times, I was not sure I could survive, I kept moving forward. I give thanks because I found FAITH can move mountains -- that and lot of work.

Since March of this year, my life changed! I found a poem in the garage that changed everything. I wrote it when I was 18 after years of every type of abuse you can imagine...and what I learned from the poem is that I AM BLESSED. I confronted what I ran from 40 years ago never speaking about it...yes..lots of therapy, books, workshops but when I got close to talking about any of the details, I stopped. It was too humiliating and painful to face. I spent my life being successful and getting lost in work, love and travel.

Now that I have faced it...I have grown even more. I have connected with friends who had no idea what happened to me. I faced the things that gave me PTSD. I have slain more dragons and demons in this lifetime than most and I am sure my KARMA is being balanced.

Life is all about trying your best...when we do, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. There is nothing we can't handle if we put all our TRUST in THE LIGHT OF GOD THAT NEVER FAILS.

It is hard to believe that something that happened so many years ago could hold me captive for so many years...trembling each time I thought of the stories that had to be in my book. Those first 18 years had few happy memories, but I can say this....I would do it all again because in those experiences of darkness, I FOUND LIGHT!

I am grateful for each lesson that I have learned...and, more importantly, I am grateful that I have been blessed by THE HIGHER REALMS.


If I must WRITE, and I must, then I must also LOVE.

LOVE is the only answer!


  1. Your words touch me deeply. I recently started writing my own story, one of abuse and pain. I too have been led into the light and have overcome my inner struggles for the most part. I am still trying to release the last of my emotional baggage through words but it is difficult to touch into that raw place in my soul. But I am moving forward and will triumph over these last memories with the grace of spirit. You can read my backstory on my blog http://elainelockard.com

  2. May LOVE surround YOU as you write!