Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Writing through pain

Last night turned out to be one of the best writing nights of my life.

Although it took hours to write the first words, once they came, they kept flowing effortlessly until dawn, when, almost like a switch being turned off, they simply stopped. That was all there was.

It was time for some coffee. Sitting quietly with hot coffee in my favorite blue mug, I read what I had written. The writing was good. No tears, no pain--just a story. The words were not as ugly as the memories, which validated how I let FEAR STOP me from writing this book until now.

If you ask any of my friends, they would say I am fearless. In many ways I AM, but putting words to painful events that haunt me has been the most daunting project of my lifetime. When the words stopped, I had written 45 pages. I have been known to shred sometimes and start over--using the first 45 as an exercise--but for some reason I think those words are going to stay.

The day I told my Daddy "One day I am going to write a book" was a day I have never forgotten. It is hard to believe that I have been writing "the book" ever since that day. I have so many pages! The book I am writing now is all brand new material, so the file cabinets will be for future books. I am grateful that I kept 50 years of journals as it is an easy way to go back and see what was going on at a certain time. It is interesting how a part of me was mindful during those years as they seem almost like a blur now. The years of letting go has proven to be the best thing I have done for myself.

There is a parable in the beginning of Illusions by Richard Bach. It is about a sea creature taking a risk and letting go from the rock he clings to and being carried by the powerful current. I let go, I was thrown against the rocks; I was carried by the currents, now I AM floating in an ocean of LOVE.

I encourage you to read the book. I hope it becomes one of your favorites.

LOVE is all there is. Love is my purpose. Love has no conditions

1 comment:

  1. Great news...well done...
    I love Illusions and have it in the draw by my bed for occasional inspiration -
    My fav quote at the mo is something like...

    "There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands. You seek problems because you need their gifts."

    As you can imagine and well you know I do think in songs sometimes and your blog brought one of my favourite to mind
    It's not one I can find a good version of on Blip so I will just send you the words and you will maybe come across it somewhere somehow...

    "Give up and let it go...
    give up and let your life flow"

    You emit loverays :>David