LOVE ON TWITTER

A few months ago, I went to Georgia to confront the things I ran away from 40 years ago. While I was there I had a "FEELING" something was not right at home.

I was right..as usual..when I get a "FEELING", it is always right.

It turned out the man I loved made choices that hurt me deeply.

It was very difficult as I was needing his love more than ever to ground me, but when I got home, what I found was not love-it was me again going into a more serious place...PTSD.

While in Georgia, I attended a writer's conference where they spoke of twitter and how it was important to build followers so your publisher could see your following. I already had an account but I had no idea how the power of twitter worked.

So there I sat hurting, crying and wanting to run away because that is what PTSD does to me and God spoke to me saying TWITTER!

My first tweet was a song HIT THE ROAD JACK-that is what I wanted. I wanted the man who had loved me for 15 years to get away from me so I would not hurt again.

I tweeted for a few days with only hurt in my heart and, almost like a miracle, it moved through the pain back to the LOVE that I believe in and that I spread everywhere I go. It is who I AM.

I tweeted and tweeted and tweeted about LOVE.

One day I had a follower and when I would see him smiling at me, my heart began to open even more than I had ever experienced. Each time he sent me love, I felt more love within me. Our DMs became like my lifeblood. I so looked forward to reading him and leaving my words of love.

I was also very aware that I was in reality and this was not love. I knew that I had to be careful but at the same tme this childlike love came over me that thrilled me like nothing in life ever has. It was pure..it was natural ..it was warm and it was LOVE.

The love from this man was more than I could have imagined. His words to me still play in my head. The excitement and the joy I felt with him is now in me. Nobody can take that away.

I made a mistake by allowing my heart to be revealed to someone who did not respect my heart nor my love. I had a "feeling" as soon as I hung up the phone. I told my twitter friend what I felt..and now it came true. He heard me tell him exactly what I was feeling after I exposed my heart to her. I knew she wanted what I had found. I was right as usual.

I find myself now wondering why it was there in my life to inspire me and to make me whole again.

The only difference...I did not go searching for LOVE. LOVE found me. LOVE blessed me and helped heal my heart.

I can say this for a fact, I found LOVE at my door on TWITTER and I could have never asked for more!

To my friend who gave me LOVE and adored me, I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

You have touched me more deeply than anything in my LIFE. Your love to me helped me move through my hurt and my pain to find words of LOVE coming out of my fingers and no longer do I fear sitting down to write. I embrace those writing times now and no matter what you are doing or no matter who tries to stop my love, it will always be with you.

I know you know what my LOVEWAVES feels like. I certainly know what yours feels like.

My relationship with the man who I have loved for 15 years has deepened as he read every tweet I sent this man. He knows I fell in LOVE with the words that touched my soul! He was happy that I was happy again. He waited and watched to see what happened. Our love has shifted and grown through this experience.

I am not sure what the future holds but I do know this, I was blessed to have a man on TWITTER love me from afar. He will live in my heart till the end of time.

My Singin' Crystal Bowl

It is late. I should go to bed. I must clear my head so I write.

Now, what to write.. how do I get all the thoughts that run through my head into streamed consciousness on my blog.

What to do?

Maybe I should play my singin' crystal bowl...maybe it will ground me!

Love makes me happy...I am not feeling happy nor inspired....so, at the moment, I am not experiencing love.

The photo is my singin' crystal bowl.

FUN IN THE BAY AREA

I have friends visiting from LaJolla...where I lived and loved for years. This is a photo of my view each day. A gift from the UNIVERSE.

We are having a great time...I am trying my best to "be in the moment".

I will be back to writing in a day or so....lot of inner work going on within...the memoirs have been very hard on me...I write..I speak truth....and then for days...it tumbles all around me.

I write to help others. I don't write to help me right now!

LOVE TO MY FRIENDS AND MY TWEEPLE!

LOVENOTES on TWITTER

@SaraApples Hey, just to tell you I built 9 pages with your tweets

http://www.love-poems-queen.com/leia-phillips.html

This has to be one of the sweetest things anyone has done for me....@saraapples has been a follower for a while...She lives in Saudi Arabia. Her love for my words has touched my heart deeply. It moves me to know someone so far away LOVES THE WORDS I WRITE. She is an Angel of LOVE to me.

Hope you enjoy.

Thanks Sara...you will always be dear to me.



May love surround you and all those you love.

Leia

Flecks of Gold

There is a thread that weaves throughout our lives that is made of flecks of gold. Those flecks are all the events of our lives. The hopes, dreams and the pains and sufferings that make up the tapestry is called life.

I do not know exactly what day it was that I finally realized that life did have meaning and purpose but I do remember becoming conscious after searching within for answers. Once I thought the answers were hidden away on the pages of philosophy books, at a gurus feet, in some guided meditation or that I could attend a workshop and be a brand new person when it was over.

I do not claim to be better than anyone else or know more, but I do know that I have found what works for me. It works when I realize that I only have one choice – to do what is best for my highest good. What does that mean, you may ask - to me that means in every situation in life there is a choice. I am the only person who knows what is really best for me. I am not saying that I always make the right choice sometimes even the worst possible choice can turn into a blessing if we allow ourselves to see the lesson.

At times when life takes the fun away it is then we have the choice to choose the state of our being. I would like to choose laughter, love, light, joy and never have to experience the other alternatives. I have learned many lessons through pain and suffering and now I AM choosing only what brings me happiness. I cannot persecute myself for being human but I can choose to live my life as lovingly and honestly as possible.

Somewhere I read once that an unexamined life is not worth living. I have over examined my life and until I noticed the golden thread weaving through it, I did not fully understand the values of the lessons I was learning.

Writing through pain

Last night turned out to be one of the best writing nights of my life.

Although it took hours to write the first words, once they came, they kept flowing effortlessly until dawn, when, almost like a switch being turned off, they simply stopped. That was all there was.

It was time for some coffee. Sitting quietly with hot coffee in my favorite blue mug, I read what I had written. The writing was good. No tears, no pain--just a story. The words were not as ugly as the memories, which validated how I let FEAR STOP me from writing this book until now.

If you ask any of my friends, they would say I am fearless. In many ways I AM, but putting words to painful events that haunt me has been the most daunting project of my lifetime. When the words stopped, I had written 45 pages. I have been known to shred sometimes and start over--using the first 45 as an exercise--but for some reason I think those words are going to stay.

The day I told my Daddy "One day I am going to write a book" was a day I have never forgotten. It is hard to believe that I have been writing "the book" ever since that day. I have so many pages! The book I am writing now is all brand new material, so the file cabinets will be for future books. I am grateful that I kept 50 years of journals as it is an easy way to go back and see what was going on at a certain time. It is interesting how a part of me was mindful during those years as they seem almost like a blur now. The years of letting go has proven to be the best thing I have done for myself.

There is a parable in the beginning of Illusions by Richard Bach. It is about a sea creature taking a risk and letting go from the rock he clings to and being carried by the powerful current. I let go, I was thrown against the rocks; I was carried by the currents, now I AM floating in an ocean of LOVE.


I encourage you to read the book. I hope it becomes one of your favorites.


LOVE is all there is. Love is my purpose. Love has no conditions

Writing memories

At this very moment I should be writing words that are very important for my memoirs...but I find myself doing everything but.

These memories are not repressed like most of them were but they are in my head much more than I like...so it seems to me that if I put them on paper, they can move through me and help me heal my heart even more.

As a very young girl fascinated with words, I knew my mission was to write a book to help one little girl know she could make it. I never realized it was the little girl in me who needed the book and now as I write it, I can feel even more strength than I have known. I know I must write to help those who have not lived through the amazing lifetime of healing that I made my journey.

I am blessed beyond belief and even with a really messed up early start, I never lost my joy. I feel honored that God chose me for this life. Although there were many times, I was not sure I could survive, I kept moving forward. I give thanks because I found FAITH can move mountains -- that and lot of work.

Since March of this year, my life changed! I found a poem in the garage that changed everything. I wrote it when I was 18 after years of every type of abuse you can imagine...and what I learned from the poem is that I AM BLESSED. I confronted what I ran from 40 years ago never speaking about it...yes..lots of therapy, books, workshops but when I got close to talking about any of the details, I stopped. It was too humiliating and painful to face. I spent my life being successful and getting lost in work, love and travel.

Now that I have faced it...I have grown even more. I have connected with friends who had no idea what happened to me. I faced the things that gave me PTSD. I have slain more dragons and demons in this lifetime than most and I am sure my KARMA is being balanced.

Life is all about trying your best...when we do, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. There is nothing we can't handle if we put all our TRUST in THE LIGHT OF GOD THAT NEVER FAILS.

It is hard to believe that something that happened so many years ago could hold me captive for so many years...trembling each time I thought of the stories that had to be in my book. Those first 18 years had few happy memories, but I can say this....I would do it all again because in those experiences of darkness, I FOUND LIGHT!

I am grateful for each lesson that I have learned...and, more importantly, I am grateful that I have been blessed by THE HIGHER REALMS.

THE LIGHT OF GOD NEVER FAILS

If I must WRITE, and I must, then I must also LOVE.

LOVE is the only answer!